Common lines during and after drinking people commonly say. . .

1 . Tu to Mera bhai hai . . . bhai !!!

2 . You know i am not drunk . .

3 . Gaadi mein Chalaunga . . .

5 . Tu bura mat maann bhai . . .

6 . Mai teri Dil Se Izzat Karta hu . . .

7 . Abe bol daal aaj usko, aar yaa paar . . . .

8 . Aaj saali Chad nahi rahi hai kya baat hai??

9 . Tu Kya samajh raha hai mujhe chad gayi hai . . .

10 . Ye mat samajh ki peeke bol raha hu . . .

11 . Abe yaar kahin kam to nahi padegi itnee . . .

12 . Chhote, Ek Ek Chhota aur ho Jae . . . lovely waala !!!

13 . Baap ko mat Sikhao . . .

14 . Yaar magar tune mera dil tod diya . . .

15 . Kuchh bhi hai par saala Bhai hai Apna . . .

16 . Tu Bolna Bhai, kya chahiye . . . Jaan chahiye hazir hai ???

17 . Abe mere ko aaj tak nahi Chadee . . . shart laga saala aaj tu . .

18 . Chal teri baat karata hoon usse, phone number de uska . . .

19 . Saale teri bhabhie hai wo . . . bhabie ki nazar se dekh usko . . .

20 . Yaar tu samjha kar . . wo tere layak nahi hai . . .

21 . chal bhai tu kah raha hai to tere liye Bhool gaya usko . . aaj se wo teri . . . bana issi baat par ek - ek aur peg !!!

22 . Tujhe kya lagta hai chadh gayi hai . . . abhi ek full aur khatam kar sakta hun . . .

and the best one . . .

23 . Yaar aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai

And Finally . . .

Salla . . . aaj se daru band . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . !!

The New English

For all of you English teachers. Hear is something for laughs or shall we say lafs.

European English: The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Driving around the world!!!!

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney

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One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan

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One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on Accelerator. .. - Boston
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Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York

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Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy

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One hand on horn,

One hand on holding gear,

One ear listening to loud music,

One ear on cell phone,

One foot on accelerator,

One foot on clutch,

Nothing on break,

Eyes on females into the next car,

" THIS IS INDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA"

Honesty

Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.

Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene. Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!

The general manager declared him the winner! Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds. This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself!">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>......

ताऊ के चुटकले

रोजाना जब ताऊ का पडोसी वहा से गुजरे तो ताऊ का तोता उसे कहता,

!! ओये भिखारी फ़िर आ गया तु!!

पडोसी बहुत तंग हो कर एक दिन ताऊ के पास शिकायत करने आया.तो ताऊ ने अपने तोते को बहुत डांटा.....अगले दिन जब पडोसी वहां से गुजरा तो तोता कुछ नही बोला......

थोडा आगे जा कर पडोसी ने मुड कर देखा तोते की ओर,तो तोता बोला

समझ तो गये ना....:)

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एक भिखारी ने होटल ताज मै फ़ोन किया,

हेलॊ दुसरी तरफ़ से आवाज आई

ताज होटल !भिखारी बोला,

हेलॊ जल्दी से एक पिज्जा, एक पलेट बिरयानी, ओर रसमालई भेज दो.ताज होटल से..

किस नाम से भेजू सर !!

अरे भगवान के नाम से भेज दो

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एक कार से चिडिया टकरा गई, ओर बेहोश हो गई,कार मालिक रहम दिल का था, उस ने चिडिया को उठाया ओर घर ला कर पिंजरे मै रख दिया,सोचा जब ठीक हो जायेगी तो ऊडा दुंगा.जब चिडिया को होश आया तो बोली ....

लगता है ड्राईवर मर गया, है भगवान !! तभी तो मुझे उम्र केद हो गई.

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एक हवाई जहाज के पास से एक राकेट गुजरा............ ..अब जहाज को अपने ऊपर बहुत मान था कि मै बहुत तेज चलता हुं, ओर राकेट को देख कर हेरान रह गया, तो जहाज ने पुछा, भाई तुम इतना तेज केसे भाग लेते हो.....राकेट ने जबाब दिया, जब तुम्हारे पीछे आग लगे गी ना तुम भी तेज भागोगे.

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एक बार एक जाट ओर जाटनी का तलाक का केस आदलत मै गया, ओर जज भी एक महिला ही थी, जो बहुत ही अच्छी थी, सुनवाई शुरु हुयी तो जज साहिब ने उस जाट से पुछा कि

तुम इस से तलाक क्यो चाहते हो ??

जाट बेचारा सीधा साधा था, बोला जी मै तो नही चाहता, मै तो इसे घर मै रखना चाहता हुं,

फ़िर जज साहिब ने जाटनी से पुछा, आप क्यो नही रहना चाहती इन के संग,

तो जाटनी जो पहले ही गुस्से मै थी बोली एक हफ़्ता इस के संग रह के देख ले.

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रवि ने अपने पक्के दोस्त को अस्पताल मै मरहम पट्टी करते देख कर पुछा, अरे यह कया हुआ ? आज सुबह ही तो मेने तुम्हे उस घुंघाराले बालो वाली सुंदरी के संग देखा था, दोस्त!! हां यार तुम ने अकेले नही मेरी सास ने भी देखा था.

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जज, जेबकतरे से..... वादा करो आगे से कभी जेब नही काटोगे,जेबकतरा-जज से.......जी मै वादा करता हुं मै आगे से कभी भी जेब नही काटूंगा, बल्कि साईड से ही जेब काटूंगा.

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संता... यार बंता मै अपनी नयी कार से जा रहा था कि अचानक डाकू आ गये, फ़िर मेरी कार रोक कर, मेरा बटुवा छीन लिया, फ़िर मेरी घडी भी, यार फ़िर मेरी कार भी छीन ली.बंता... लेकिन तुम्हारे पास तो पिस्तोल थी. हां यार भगवान का शुकर उन की नजर मेरी पिस्तोल पर नही पडी.

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तीन ताऊ गांव मै एक ही खाट (चारपाई) पर सो रहे थे, चार पाई छोटी थी,ओर तीनो तंग हो रहे थे, तो एक ताऊ चारपाई से नीचे कपडा बिछा कर लेट गया,

अब ऊपर से एक ताऊ की आवाज आई भाई ऊपर आ जा अब जगह हो गई है..

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Nice Quotes/Words

Koi Naraz Hai Humse,
Ki Hum Kuch Likhte Nahi,
Kaha Se Layein Lafz Jab Wo Milte Nahi,
Dard Ki Zuban Hoti To Bata Dete,
Wo Zakhm Kaise Batayein Jo Dikhte Nahi.

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aaj hi main sab baaten mann ki, pani pe likh aaonga
rait mai koi raaz bahaye, aik zamana beet gaya,

chalo tumhara naam likhen, sagar ke kinare sahil par
rait mai koi phool khilaye, aik zamana beet gaya...

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umar bhar chaha ke zamin-o-aasmaan humara hota
kash ke khwaahishon ka bhi koi kinara hota,

ye soch kar us musafir ko roka hi nahi
door jata hi kyun agar wo humara hota....

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Women and Men

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or womenwere more trustworthy.

"No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret.""I would dispute that," answered a woman guest.

"I have kept my age a secretsince I was twenty-one.""You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady.

"When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."

Root Cause Analysis of Swine Flu - Issued in Public interest......

Eye Opener………..

It's an American mistake which the world is now facing…………..


Every American is a lethal biological weapon,
Think before you kiss one!
Issued in public (Indian) interest by:
Bhartiya Bimari Sangh (BBS)
Sirf bhartiya bimariya apnaye, jeevan khush hal banaye

** If opportunity doesn't knock at your door, you go knocking at it. **

** Dont wait for the iron to get hot to strike.... make it hot by striking .... **

Life's Lessons-I'm in the 7%.... Excellent....

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio :

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more."

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone and everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Lunch With God

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry, so he offered her some chips. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.
Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered her a root beer. Again, she smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat
there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old woman, and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, "Mother, what did you do today that made you so happy?" She replied! "I ate potato chips in the park with God." However, before her son responded, she added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! Embrace all equally!

Bajaj's New Economy Bike

It has been a major hit in the market and is largely responsible for changing the 'Two wheeler maket'

It wil be introduced in Indian market in 1 ^st june 2009 ...

I hope everyone wil come to office by bike in few days...

Facilities are..

Available in following option
a) Kick Start
b) Electric Start

1. 250 CC Speed + we can increase speed by pedaling
2. 24 hr Free Air Conditoner System
3. Leg break System as like Disc break in Pulsar (Ultimate one)
4. Without doubt it's going to win "Best Bike Of the Year 200 9 "
5. No emissions.... totally environmental friendly.......

Engine Specification

Engine	Air Cooled
Front Brakes	No Need
Rear Brakes	130mm Drum
Front Tyre	2.75 X 18
Rear Tyre	100/90 X 18
Wheelbase	1265mm
Ground Clearance	155mm
Dry Weight	50 Kg
Tank Capacity	No Need
Colours	Brown

It has a admire look.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Engineer who designed the above Bike is…….. Bramhi.. Mechanical Engineer.. Engg graduate from JNTU, HYD..

Singh is King

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."
Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!
-- Singh is King....

ENGLISH

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

22) There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

23) English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!).

24) Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

25) Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

26) And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers

don't ham?

27) If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth be eth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

28) Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

29) If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

30) If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

31) If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

32) In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

33) How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

34) You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

35) English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

36) P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

Opportunity

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the

money, he turns to a customer and asks,' Did you

see me rob this bank?'The

man replied,

'Yes sir, I did.'

The robber then shot him and killed him instantly. He

then turned to a

couple standing next to him and asked the man,

'Did you see me rob this

bank?' The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't,

but my wife did!'

Moral of the story- When Opportunity

knocks.... MAKE USE OF IT.

Life Is Tough .... But.....

First-year students at Delhi medical college's Vet school were attending their first Anatomy class, with a dead pig.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a White sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a

Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the Animal body'. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, touched his finger in the mouth of the dead pig, withdrew it and put his Finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. Buteventually took turns putting their finger in the mouth of the dead pig and tasted in their mouth.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,

'The Second most important quality is observation. I touched with my middle Finger and tasted on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention...

Moral of the story:

Life is tough, but it's a lot tougher when you are Stupid...... ...

TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.

'That's a serious step,' he said. 'Have you thought it out completely?'

'Yes,' his young son answered. 'We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.'

'How about transportation? ' the father asked.

'I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,' the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, 'What about babies? When you're

married, you're liable to have babies, you know.'

'We've thought about that, too,' the little boy replied. 'We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!'

PATNI CHALISA

Namo-namo patni maharani,

tumhari mahima koi na jani... || 1 ||

Hamne samjha tum abla ho,

par tumto sabse badi bala ho... || 2 ||

Jis din haath me belana aawe,

Uss din PATI khub chillave.... || 3 ||

Saare bed pe PATNI sove,

PATI baith farsh par rove.... || 4 ||

Tumse hi ghar MATHURA KASI,

aur tumse hi ghar Satyanasi... . || 5 ||

PATNI CHALISA jo nar gave,

sab sukh chhod param dukh paave..... || 6 ||

The Obedient wife !!!

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife... "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,"Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen,; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.
" You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?""I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put itinto my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

ताऊ को चूना लगा गया फेरी वाला

बात थोड़ी पुरानी सै ! आपमें से कईयों को बचपन की याद होगी जब गाँव मेंफेरी वाले दूकानदार आया करते थे ! और गाँव वाले अपनी जरुरत का सामान सबइन्ही लोगो से खरीदा करते थे !ये लोग दैनिक उपयोग में आने वाला सामान जैसे चड्डी बनियान, ओरतो कीगोटा किनारी, काजल बिंदी आदि बेचने आया करते थे ! कुछ सर पर गठरी रख कर ,कुछ साईकिल और कुछ फेरीवाले अपने घोडो पर सामान बेचने आया करते थे !सब सामान अनाज के बदले खरीदा जाता था ! गाँवों में उस समय रुपये पैसे कुछनही होते थे ! सब्जी खरीदना हो, कपड़े लेना हो , कोई भी किराने का सामानलेना हो वह सब अनाज के बदले ही खरीदा जाता था !नगद रुपये की हालत यह थी की छपनिये के प्रसिद्द अकाल के समय लोग पेडो केछिलके उखाड़ कर खा गए थे ! लेकिन उस समय ज्वार एक रुपये की ५६ सेरथी ! यानी नकद मुद्रा का उन दिनों नितांत अभाव था ! ( यह अकाल संवत १९५६यानी आज से तकरीबन १०९ साल पहले मारवाड़ और आस पास के इलाको में बहुतभीषण रूप में पडा था जिसे पुराने लोग आज भी किस्से कहानियों में याद कियाकरते हैं !)ताऊ की एक खासियत होती है की अगर किसी को गलती या बदमाशी करते देख लियातो उसको ५/७ लट्ठ जरुर मारेगा और कान के नीचे भी ३/४ जरूर बजायेगा ! ख़ुदका चाहे कितणा भी नुक्सान क्यूँ ना हो जाए !इस घटना से आप समझ पायेंगे की ताऊ वाकई भोले भाले इंसान होते हैं ! अपनीअक्ल साबित करने के लिए ख़ुद का नुक्सान भी हो जाए तो परवाह नही पालते !वर्षा कभी भी हो सकती थी सो ताऊ खेतों को तैयार करने में व्यस्त रहताथा ! घर गृहस्थी का सामान ताई ही ले लिया करती थी उन फेरी वालो से ! ताऊने देखा की एक बोरी अनाज की जो अभी ५ दिन पहले ही भरी हुई थी आज अचानकखाली खाली सी दिखने लग गई !उसने ताई से पूछा की इसका अनाज कहाँ गया ? और आजकल तो चम्पाकली भी चाँदपर गई हुई है ! फ़िर इतनी जल्दी ये खाली कैसे हो गई ? ताई ने बताया कीबिसायती ( फेरी वाला ) आया था उससे कुछ कपडे लत्ते और बच्चो की चड्डीबनियान ली थी ! तुम्हारी बनियान वो कल ले के आयेगा !ताऊ समझ गया माजरा क्या है ? अगले दिन ताऊ खेत में बुवाई करने निकल गयाहल लेकर ! उधर साईकिल पर फेरी वाला आगया !फेरी वाला - ताई ले ये पकड़ ताऊ की बनियान ! बड़ी मुश्किल तैं ढुन्ढ कैल्याया सूं ! इत्ती बड़ी बनियान ही फेक्ट्री आले ना बनाते आजकल !ताई तो बनियान देख कै खुश हो गई ! 0ताई बोली - रे बिसायती के ! बता कितणा नाज (अनाज) घालणा सै ?ये फेरी वाले बड़े तेज होते हैं ! वो बोला - ताई डाल दे जितना डालना हो !ताई ५/६ कचोलै ( बड़ा कटोरा टाईप ) अनाज के डाल कै बोली - बस हो गया के ?अब वो बिसायती किम्मै बोल्या कोनी ! ताई समझी कुछ कम रह गया ! सो ताई नैउठा कै दो कचोलै नाज के और डाल दिए !उधर ताऊ ने इसको आते देख लिया था ! सो उधर खेत से इसके ऊपर ही नजर लगा कैदेख रहा था ! जब उसने देखा की इसने तो आज ताई को फ़िर लूट लिया है ! तोखेत से जल्दी जल्दी घर की तरफ़ आने लगा !और इधर फेरी वाले ने देखा की ताऊ घर की तरफ़ ही आ रहा है तो वो फट सेअपनी अनाज और सामान की पोटली साईकिल पर रखण लाग गया !अब ताऊ नै देखी की ये तो सामान उठाके भागने की फिराक में है तो ताऊ नेलंबे लंबे पाँव उठाये और घर की तरफ़ अपना लट्ठ उठाये दौड़ता सा आने लगा !फेरी वाले ने समझ लिया की ताऊ आज मारे बिना नही छोडेगा ! सो वो भी साईकिलउठाके भाग लिया ! अब आगे आगे साईकिल पै गठरी लादे लादे फेरी आला भाग रहाथा और पीछे पीछे लट्ठ लेके ताऊ भागा जावे था !गठरी लादे लादे फेरी वाला भाग नही पा रहा था ! और ताऊ बहुत तेजी से पासआता जा रहा था ! फेरी वाले ने सोची की आज तो ग़लत जगह फंस लिए ! बहुतमुश्किल है बचना !सो उसने सोचा की ये अनाज की गठरी यहीं पटक कर भागता हूँ जिससे इस ताऊ कोइसका अनाज वापस मिल जायेगा तो ये अपना पीछा छोड़ देगा ! और उसने अनाज कीगठरी वहीं पटक दी और भाग लिया !थोड़ी देर में उसने पलट कर देखा ! ताऊ तो अब भी लट्ठ उठाये उसकी तरफ़दौडा आ रहा था ! उसने सोचा - ये अच्छे मुर्ख ताऊ से पाला पडा ! ये बिनापीटे नही छोडेगा ! अब क्या करू ? और ताऊ का लट्ठ देख कै डर गया !फ़िर उसने अक्ल लगाई और अपनी कपडे की गठरी वहीं पटक दी और अब साईकिल कोलेके भागने लगा !थोड़ी देर बाद फ़िर पलट के देखा तो ताऊ फ़िर उसे पीछे पीछे आता दिखा !उसको अब लग गया की इस मुर्ख ताऊ से बच पाना मुश्किल काम है ! आज ये लट्ठसे मारेगा जरुर ! ताऊ लगातार उसके पीछे लगा हुआ था !अब फेरी वाले ने अपनी साईकिल भी पटक दी और पुरी ताकत से दौड़ लगा दी ! परकच्चे गाँव के रास्तो में वो क्या ताऊ से बच सकता था ?थोड़ी दूर जाकै ताऊ नै उसको पकड़ लिया ! और ५/७ तो मारे लट्ठ , और उसके३/४ कान के नीचे बजा कर बोला - तेरे को बीरबानिया ( ओरतों ) नै लूटतेशर्म कोनी आवै ? बावली बूच कहीं का !चल आज तो तेरा सामान उठा लेजा और आईंदा कभी मत लूटिये गाम आलीबीरबानियाँ नै ! और वो फेरीवाला अपनी गठरी , अनाज की पोटली और साईकिल लेके भाज लिया !इब खूंटे पै पढो :-ताऊ ने अपनी शादी का विज्ञापन इस तरह दिया था :-"पच्चीस वर्षीय युवक के लिए एक ऐसी वधू चाहिए, जो विवाह के बाद भीसुसंस्कृत, सुशील, मिलनसार और मृदुभाषी बनी रहे।"जवाब में ताऊ के ससुर साहब ने आवेदन किया :- मैं सिर्फ़ ६ महीने कीवारंटी दे सकता हूँ ! गरीब आदमी हूँ इससे ज्यादा की मेरी हैसियत नही है !और शादी के ठीक ६ महीने बाद उन्होंने "मेड इन जर्मन" लट्ठ अपनी बेटी कोगौने में दे कर विदा कर दिया !

24 Things to Always Remember. . .

and One Thing to Never Forget

1. Your presence is a present to the world.

2. You're unique and one of a kind..

3. Your life can be what you want it to be.

4. Take the days just one at a time.

5. Count your blessings, not your troubles.

6. You'll make it through whatever comes along.

7. Within you are so many answers.

8. Understand, have courage, be strong.

9. Don't put limits on yourself.

10. So many dreams are waiting to be realized.

11. Decisions are too important to leave to chance.

12. Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.

13. Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.

14. The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.

15. Don't take things too seriously.

16. Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

17. Remember that a little love goes a long way.

18. Remember that a lot . . . goes forever.

19. Remember that friendship is a wise investment.

20. Life's treasures are people . . . together.

21. Realize that it's never too late.

22. Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

23. Have health and hope and happiness.

24. Take the time to wish upon a star.

And don't ever forget . . .

For even a day . . .

How very special you are.

Quiz Contest

Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.

The questions are as follows:

1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150

Sardar says "I will skip this"

2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR

Sardar asks for help from the University students

3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER

Sardar asks for help from general public

4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL

Sardar asks for lucky cards

5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:

A) CANARY BIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT

Sardar gives up.

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If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:

1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453

2) The Panama hat is made in Equador

3) The October revolution is celebrated in November

4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.

5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.

Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again ..

Don't Mess with Old People!!

The Taxation decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the Taxation office.

The Taxation auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Taxation finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration? '

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much pees all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

Short Story!!!

Man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,

Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,

Then drove home to put away the groceries,

Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,

Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted

And, though his daily chores were n't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,

I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned

Your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months ,though. You got pregnant last night."

3 Answers Men Are Afraid Of:

1. (Whatever)

Men: What to have for dinner?

Women: Whatever...

Men: Why don't we have steamboat?

Women: Don't want, once i ate steamboat and later got pimples on my face.

Men: Alright, why don't we have Si Chuan cuisine.

Women: Yesterday we ate Si Chuan, why eat it today again?

Men: Hm..... I suggest we have seafood

Women: Seafood is no good, i ate it once, then later I got diarrhea.

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women: Whatever..

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?

Women: Anything

Men: How about watching movie? It's been a Long time since wewatched movie.

Women: Watching movie is no good, it's waste time.

Men: How about bowling, or do some exercises?

Women: Exercise in such hot day?

Men: Then let's find a cafe and have coffee.

Women: Drinking coffee will affect my sleep

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women: Anything

3. (You decide)

Men: Then we just go home

Women: You decide

Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you

Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. I don't want.

Men: Ok we will take a Taxi

Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance

Men: Alright, then we walk.

Women: What! Walk with an empty stomach?

Men: Then what you suggest?

Women: You decide

Men: Let's have dinner first

Women: Whatever...

Men: What to eat?

Women: Anything

How guys select the girl they want to marry !

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

*Men are Men.... Obviously!!!